The Insomnia Diaries Chapter 1

Is there such thing as a normal sleep pattern? If so, I sure as hell don't have it. And if there isn't one, then I definitely do not follow society's idea of a normal sleep. I believe I began renouncing a good night of sleep right around the time I found Craig Kilborn. At the age of 12, I was already keeping myself up until 12 30 in order to hopefully catch a game of yambo. As the years have gone on, I learned to know the late night TV schedule by heart. Adult Swim and TNT should likely become sponsors of this blog, as they are both major proponents of me achieving the ability to stay up till 3 with no problem. I used to never be able to reach the hour of 4 am, but with the help of a special little lady and my mind getting more screwed up by the day, Me and 4 am have become like peas and carrots (to quote Forrest Gump) over the course of my first year in college. I've been close to getting sleeping pills, but I never again would experience all the stupid thoughts that keep me wide awake at night. So instead of letting the night time remain my enemy, I have decided to take action against it. So ladies and gentleman, I bring to you my first installment of the Insomnia Diaries...

Does the Pope have a monopoly on the automobiles like the Popemobile? If not, how is Obama not jumping on this bandwagon? People love the man so much, that he could totally play this up. And if its not copyrighted by the Pope, could I theoretically become so awesome someday, that I could possibly hire a driver and sit in a glass box, and like a pompous prick, ride around all day waving to people? I aim to have this much money someday now.


If I could meet the voice over guy from Forensic Files, I'd have to pass. That voice deserves to never have a face.

Why is whenever I show someone my cadillac, the first thing they always say is I need to trick it out? First off, I'm a poor college student that hopes he has enough money to get the number 2 off the McDonalds menu, let alone putting some sweet rims on the car. Secondly, I don't belong driving that car in the first place. I'm not a super hero, but if I did have one super power, it would definitely be the power to change forms from an eighty year old man during daylight into a twenty year old black man at night. If I were to put some sweet ass rims on that car, the government of Minnesota would likely pass legislation that I would have to surrender over the car to someone that cops won't be disappointed to pull over late night for no reason. Finally, the combination of a cool looking caddy mixed with little ole white boy me, blasting techno music out the windows, while sitting next to my ginger friend max, would likely cause so many conflicting emotions from drivers next to me that one of them would perform a suicide type mission with their car and crash into me in order to stop such an atrocity. Simply put, I will not be tricking out my car.

When did Pizza Hut develop an identity crisis problem? Can we give them some Zoloft so they can go back to making sub par greasy pizza. Don't we already have pasta places to sell me that stuff? They should just bring back bad Andy. Or was that Dominoes.

Does anyone else find it remarkable that Harold and Kumar go to White Castle revived Neil Patrick Harris's career? Has any other actor ever gone from nearly completely irrelevant to cult hero through a stoner movie? Just more reason he's awesome. I support the Doogie Howser revival.

I'd write more, but some late night thoughts should be kept to myself