Insomniac Diaries Chapter 2

It's is 3 am. I'm about four hours away from sunlight. What better way to fill those hours than with a second installment of the Insomniac Diaries. As usual, I present to my thoughts that keep me up late at night.

Dear Diary,

No way that just happened. I'm a bit ashamed of myself. I might have to go to confession after that one. Did I really just see Kelly Osbourne on television and think she was hot? When did British accents gain this super natural power over me. I'm going to owe at least 17 hail marys for this one. And the kicker is I'm not even catholic.

I just watched Caddyshack for the 115th time and just now made a startling revelation that I demand answers to. Why the hell did the Judge accept the offer to make the bet worth $80,000 dollars that Andy Noonan will sink the 10 foot putt when the shot was initially for the tie? Seriously, If someone had to make a 10 foot putt or they pay you $40,000 or they make it and the bet is a push, would you surrender such a risk free moment cause Rodney Dangerfield said, "Hey, lets go $80,000 right now, even though if we don't change the bet you have absolutely zero chance of losing." Perplexing. You think Harold Ramis would go back for film edits if I wrote him a letter about 29 years late?

Dear girls everywhere, being sick and/or having a headache for five straight months deserves medical attention.

I loved cross country running, but it did a horrible thing to me. No matter how heterosexual I am, after being forced to do yoga in place of practice, I can never say I'm 100% straight again. I can get to 99.9% but that one moment tainted my perfect score. Damn you yoga for taking away my innocence. And for all of you that have done yoga before, I'm sure you're right noticing that you are shaking your head in agreement.

I hope to be Boomhower, I don't want to be Bill, but I'm only glasses and a bald head away from being Dale. At least I'll have a hot wife...

When looking back at the American Pie movies, did anyone in the world expect Alyson Hannigan (the band geek) to one day be a more famous actor than Jason Biggs? I mean Jason Biggs should feel legitimately screwed by the karma gods. Despite having sex with a pie, he didn't even come out as the even the fourth most famous actor from the movies. Sean William Scott, Tara Reid, and even Harold from the White Castle movie all are bigger stars than Jason Biggs now. Well I still remember Jasong Biggs damnit. Your role in Saving Silverman and Jay and Silent Bob will not be forgotten.