When You're Simply Not Cool Enough...

What the hell happened? That is the question I had to ask myself in the parking lot yesterday. Only few times in my life have I felt so out of place. No, I was not at a feminism rally, I was simply at Coralville Ridge mall. I grew up in a city where we had three malls at our leisure, including the biggest mall in America, and the first mall ever created. Granted I did not have a phase as a seventh grader where I went to the mall to hit on the other middle schoolers, but I do feel like I am at least an experienced mall goer. However, yesterday was different. Maybe it was because I was by myself and not able to be distracted. Maybe it was because I had no goal to buy anything. Maybe it was because I cut my hair shortly before entering the mall, and I could see clearly around me. But as I sat in the food court eating my Panda Express, I realized I did not belong. When the hell did 98% of the mall shopper world become Aeropostle awesome or Hot Topic fashionable? Where was the normal people that wear shirts from tournaments they were in during high school, the wholesome kids that came to the mall cause they figure they can get a laugh by walking into some of the stores and window shopping, or hell, even the stoners that got high and convinced themselves walking around the mall would be a great idea? It's not that I have such a problem with people that have this style that I get angry and flustered and I run away, in fact I spend time with many people that wear these clothes, its just if I tried to enter either one of these stores, I have the sinking feeling an alarm would turn on and a worker form the back would come out and shoe me out with a broom. As I sat there in my ratty ass tshirt and gym shorts, I witnessed a ten year old who was dressed in a flat white brimmed hat, silver chain, american eagle shirt, plaid shorts, and I missed the shoes. The kicker was, his mom was walking right next to him. My dad, The Rick, would have hit me across the eye before letting me go out in public like that when I was that age. And I would have completely agreed with him. The MTV world has lied to me. I was led to believe that as a college kid, I would be in the fashionable world. However, I learned I am now being outclassed by ten year olds. Therefore, I must renounce the mall, except for the emergency situation when I need to know where the high school girls hang out (I challenge any reader to get that reference). So long malls. Hello Kohls. At least they understand me.